Letters from Canada 20 March 2015
Father Mark: “Janice, back to your question of why go through the religious marriage prep steps for people who do not believe in God, but just want to get married in a Church to make their parents happy”.
“Theodore’s suspicion is correct in that there is more here than just superficially following some prep steps. But it’s not as Theodore eloquently put it “to rope you into religion”. The prep program, the religious service attendance, the community service are design to give both of you an opportunity to experience God. The difference between people of faith in God and atheists is that the people of faith experience God in their daily lives and atheists don’t. Of course some people do profess a faith in God, but we do not see any evidence of that faith in their behavior or attitude”. That’s a topic for maybe a future discussion”.
Janice: “How about some personal examples of experiencing God”.
Father Mark: “OK, this encounter with both of you would be a good example. You traveled 112 kilometers to meet with me. My guess is that the pastor of your parent’s Church would not marry you because of attitude and lack of faith. Your friend who recommended me probably knew that I would not turn you away. Some of the couples that come to me for marriage are happily in love and are eager to share with me their joy. They even answer questions about themselves and their love that I did not asked. On the other hand, Theodore came here with the disposition of just marry us in Church and dispense with the religious stuff”.
“My first impulse was to advise you to get married by someone who would not have any strings attached. Lucky for you, God is in this room. Through my conscience, God is admonishing me not to judge Theodore and Janice or write them off, but do all that is possible to guide and support them as they try to continue their lives together”.
“Again tell me something about how both of you met, what type of work you do, share something about of your families and friends?”
Janice: “I now work as a sales manager in a department store. My childhood and teenage years were very rough and I don’t feel comfortable talking about it to a stranger. What I can say is that I am slowly turning my life around. I was working in a bar when I met Theodore. We became friends and now want to get married”.
Father Mark: “Janice, are your parents still living and if they are, do you still keep in touch with them”?
Janice: “I don’t know who my father is and I have lost touch with my mother. (Janice visibly upset) Please don’t ask any more questions about my family”.
Father Mark: “Janice, don’t ever feel pressure to share things that you rather not with me. Please be assured that all our conversions are voluntary and confidential. Theodore, it’s your turn to talk to me”.
Theodore: “Unlike Janice’s childhood, mine was great. Raised by parents who loved me, my brother and sister. I was fortunate to have the privileges of a good education and a moral compass. I am teacher at a local middle school and a tutor for handicap children”.
“My version of how we met has a little more details than Janice’s short story. A lot of people that come to bars, myself included, are looking for one thing: sex. Janice responded with a definite NO and told me why. With the help of a dedicated social worker she was turning things around from a troubled past and meaningless sex again would set her back. After listening to my history, Janice was mystified how someone from a good and healthy environment could be so messed up. That’s how are love story began.”
“What’s next in this fun program? How many more sessions?” How much in money or gifts will it take to shortcut this program.”
Father Mark: “You don’t have enough wealth to buy me off and the cost will be in time and patients. It was mentioned earlier that the marriage in Church was to make Theodore’s parents happy. I need to meet and talk to your parents, brother and sister. It will help me understand the importance of marrying you in God’s House Of Prayer. This will be our next session. Let me know when all of you are available and I will try to come to your parent’s home to meet with all of you.”
Theodore: Mark, what are trying to pull? Is this a scheme to take advantage of my trusting parents? What does this have to do with us getting married?
Father Mark: “Theodore, meeting with your parents and siblings will help me see pass your cynicism. If the main motivation for being married in Church is to please your parents, I would like their input. People who love and know you may be able to reassure me your relationship with Janice is not doomed from the start.”
Theodore: “OK, I am going to level with you. From the very beginning, my parents were nice and accepting of Janice. When she shared with them her turbulent past, they went into overdrive, showering her with affections and care. Janice in response to their kindness and love is trying to fulfill one their prayers in pressuring me to get married in Church. For all purposes, even if we spilt up, my parents have already adopted Janice into our family.”
“But there is more to our family tale. My brother had a splendid Church wedding and after a bitter divorce is on his second marriage. My sister, a single parent who still believes in God was widowed when her husband was murdered by a thief. Myself, I am on medication for bouts of depression.”
“Mark, please tell me now how much God loves us and protects us from bad outcomes when we pray and go to Church? I have always wondered how things would be different without the illusion of God? My parents and sister cling to that illusion and always pray to God. I do admit it helps them cope and eases the painful reality of daily life, but for me and my brother alcohol while watching mindless sporting events works the same magic”.
Let’s step outside our family circle. Tell me how a benevolent and omnipotent God create a world that from its very beginning is dominated by horrific pain and suffering, be it due to natural disasters or human cruelty?
Off course some people like you, benefit from promoting and sustaining this illusion. Most of the time, you probably work only one day a week (Sundays). What does the rest of your week look like, probably daytime TV and hobbies? And you wonder why I am cynical!
To be continue: “Letters from Canada - 21”
Father Mark: “Janice, back to your question of why go through the religious marriage prep steps for people who do not believe in God, but just want to get married in a Church to make their parents happy”.
“Theodore’s suspicion is correct in that there is more here than just superficially following some prep steps. But it’s not as Theodore eloquently put it “to rope you into religion”. The prep program, the religious service attendance, the community service are design to give both of you an opportunity to experience God. The difference between people of faith in God and atheists is that the people of faith experience God in their daily lives and atheists don’t. Of course some people do profess a faith in God, but we do not see any evidence of that faith in their behavior or attitude”. That’s a topic for maybe a future discussion”.
Janice: “How about some personal examples of experiencing God”.
Father Mark: “OK, this encounter with both of you would be a good example. You traveled 112 kilometers to meet with me. My guess is that the pastor of your parent’s Church would not marry you because of attitude and lack of faith. Your friend who recommended me probably knew that I would not turn you away. Some of the couples that come to me for marriage are happily in love and are eager to share with me their joy. They even answer questions about themselves and their love that I did not asked. On the other hand, Theodore came here with the disposition of just marry us in Church and dispense with the religious stuff”.
“My first impulse was to advise you to get married by someone who would not have any strings attached. Lucky for you, God is in this room. Through my conscience, God is admonishing me not to judge Theodore and Janice or write them off, but do all that is possible to guide and support them as they try to continue their lives together”.
“Again tell me something about how both of you met, what type of work you do, share something about of your families and friends?”
Janice: “I now work as a sales manager in a department store. My childhood and teenage years were very rough and I don’t feel comfortable talking about it to a stranger. What I can say is that I am slowly turning my life around. I was working in a bar when I met Theodore. We became friends and now want to get married”.
Father Mark: “Janice, are your parents still living and if they are, do you still keep in touch with them”?
Janice: “I don’t know who my father is and I have lost touch with my mother. (Janice visibly upset) Please don’t ask any more questions about my family”.
Father Mark: “Janice, don’t ever feel pressure to share things that you rather not with me. Please be assured that all our conversions are voluntary and confidential. Theodore, it’s your turn to talk to me”.
Theodore: “Unlike Janice’s childhood, mine was great. Raised by parents who loved me, my brother and sister. I was fortunate to have the privileges of a good education and a moral compass. I am teacher at a local middle school and a tutor for handicap children”.
“My version of how we met has a little more details than Janice’s short story. A lot of people that come to bars, myself included, are looking for one thing: sex. Janice responded with a definite NO and told me why. With the help of a dedicated social worker she was turning things around from a troubled past and meaningless sex again would set her back. After listening to my history, Janice was mystified how someone from a good and healthy environment could be so messed up. That’s how are love story began.”
“What’s next in this fun program? How many more sessions?” How much in money or gifts will it take to shortcut this program.”
Father Mark: “You don’t have enough wealth to buy me off and the cost will be in time and patients. It was mentioned earlier that the marriage in Church was to make Theodore’s parents happy. I need to meet and talk to your parents, brother and sister. It will help me understand the importance of marrying you in God’s House Of Prayer. This will be our next session. Let me know when all of you are available and I will try to come to your parent’s home to meet with all of you.”
Theodore: Mark, what are trying to pull? Is this a scheme to take advantage of my trusting parents? What does this have to do with us getting married?
Father Mark: “Theodore, meeting with your parents and siblings will help me see pass your cynicism. If the main motivation for being married in Church is to please your parents, I would like their input. People who love and know you may be able to reassure me your relationship with Janice is not doomed from the start.”
Theodore: “OK, I am going to level with you. From the very beginning, my parents were nice and accepting of Janice. When she shared with them her turbulent past, they went into overdrive, showering her with affections and care. Janice in response to their kindness and love is trying to fulfill one their prayers in pressuring me to get married in Church. For all purposes, even if we spilt up, my parents have already adopted Janice into our family.”
“But there is more to our family tale. My brother had a splendid Church wedding and after a bitter divorce is on his second marriage. My sister, a single parent who still believes in God was widowed when her husband was murdered by a thief. Myself, I am on medication for bouts of depression.”
“Mark, please tell me now how much God loves us and protects us from bad outcomes when we pray and go to Church? I have always wondered how things would be different without the illusion of God? My parents and sister cling to that illusion and always pray to God. I do admit it helps them cope and eases the painful reality of daily life, but for me and my brother alcohol while watching mindless sporting events works the same magic”.
Let’s step outside our family circle. Tell me how a benevolent and omnipotent God create a world that from its very beginning is dominated by horrific pain and suffering, be it due to natural disasters or human cruelty?
Off course some people like you, benefit from promoting and sustaining this illusion. Most of the time, you probably work only one day a week (Sundays). What does the rest of your week look like, probably daytime TV and hobbies? And you wonder why I am cynical!
To be continue: “Letters from Canada - 21”