Letters from Canada – 14 May 2014
Father Mark: During counseling or comforting those in need, I always emphasize that God made us special and unique with a touch of mystery. We are special and unique because God has blessed us with Souls that enable us to achieve wonders, make a difference in our world, and talents to fulfill our destiny. Mysterious because no one including ourselves, knows and understand all the facets of our being. Why do we feel, think and behave the way we do? What is the source of our strength to overcome hardships and what does it take to make us happy? Have we reached our potential and how far are we from realizing our destiny? This brings me to one of my own personal mystery, my friendship with Susan.
On the surface we professionally help each other. Many times Susan has summoned me to support and comfort her clients facing tragedies or personal and family crisis. Occasionally I been a character witness in a divorce proceeding. But her specialty and source of wealth is business law. In questionable business practices, Susan also seeks ethical advice from me. I am not sure she always follows it. But now I may need her legal counsel before I continue my search for William’s daughter Mary.
But there may be more to our relationship than a professional one. During our college years our paths crossed at Math classes. We seemed to have spent an enormous amount of time, possibly more than necessary working together on Calculus problems. Definitely there was a romantic attraction. Fortunately for me Ukrainian Catholic priests are allowed to get married in the Catholic Church. In the Roman Catholic Church, priests are not allowed to be married. But there are two exceptions: Anglican and Lutheran priests converting to Catholicism can continue as married Catholic priests and in my case, priests in the Ukrainian Catholic Church are also allowed to get married.
At some point in our relationship, the subject of “where do we go from here” came up. Unfortunately for me, the talks that followed were a rapid descent into an emotional abyss.
For all intent and purposes Susan wanted me to abandon my vocation for the Catholic priesthood. From the moment I shared my intentions to become a pastor; she labored to convince me that I could serve God in many other better ways. On top of her career suggestion list was for me to pursue a degree in Social Work and integrated those credentials into a faith base approach in helping people.
Susan saw in our future, first herself as a rich successful business lawyer that would sometimes work Pro Bono (free legal work) in support of her kind and compassionate husband who would be helping those less fortunate. But this future was not to be, for our opposite visions for our futures became the Grand Canyon that separated us.
During our endless conversations I attempted to persuade Susan that becoming a priest was a necessary step for me in realizing my destiny. But as I continued to elaborate on the good that can be accomplish in my calling, I purposely held back the core reason of why I was preparing for the priesthood: It was debt that I owed God.
A debt between me and God that could not be understood by Susan or for that matter anyone else. Many a time I came close to sharing it with her, but stopped at the last minute and not sure why.
On the other hand, Susan experienced no difficult in articulating her animosity towards the clergy and the church. Her favorite story line uses the analogy between doctors and priests.
In Canada people have good healthcare coverage and the population as a whole enjoys good health. For the purposes of this analogy, let’s pretend many Canadians did not recover from most illness including the ones that were easy to cure in the past. In this scenario very quickly the attention and blame would focus on doctors for doing a very bad job.
Now let’s turn to the realm of priests and take the moral pulse of the population. Statistics show that many people are unhappy in their marriages and the divorce rate is high. At all ages people have problems with alcohol or drug abuse. Families and friends are separated by grudges. A significant number of people struggle with loneliness and depression. Those dealing with poverty and misfortune are not always helped by those in position to assist. Now who is responsible for not doing a good job in addressing the moral illness of humanity?
To Susan the responsibility for doing a terrible job, lies with those who claim to represent God and preach about forgiveness, compassion, kindness, sacrifice, and love for God and neighbor. She views the Sunday sermons and teachings of the church as poetry. Just as in poetry, musical and eloquent words touch our emotional spirit and momentarily uplift us above our worldly fray. But then we return to earth or leave our house of worship and nothing has changed.
While Susan liked me for my optimism, enthusiasm, and idealism, she warned me that it was just a matter of time before I would become “one of them”. A clergy person that would settle for a comfortable life style in a stagnated church institution (future “Letters” will elaborate on this Susan view) watching life and the world go by.
It was a matter of time before we exhausted the rationalization of our positions and ended our romantic relationship. Like most couples in this situation we agreed just to be friends. Normally when relationships end with the understanding of a continued friendship, it usually means both people go their separate ways with a possibility of an occasional contact. Somehow in our case we did not go our separate ways.
Finishing undergraduate college, Susan continued and completed graduate work in business and family law. On the other hand, I completed my graduate studies in Philosophy and Theology and was ordained a Ukrainian Catholic priest. I attended her graduation ceremony at the university, while she was in attendance during my ordination. From then on we seem to always be there for each other in good times and bad.
Susan did pursue other romantic relationships and the ones she was serious about were casually introduced to me for a valued friend’s opinion. In the end the phrase: Not the right person for me” concluded most of her relationships.
To prevent me from becoming of “one of them” (clergy that is not productive) she occasionally monitored my activities especially the Sunday sermons. Needless to say, I had to carefully prepare my material for the pulpit.
Our friendship had rules. Examples: always meeting in the public view, no exchange of gifts and no concealing of our activities. As difficult as it may be to believe, there never was a sexual intimate encounter because we both understood it would be morally wrong without a Love Commitment.
Those who believed and trusted us viewed our friendship akin to a brother and a sister. Those who did not placed bets on when and how the scandal would break. Some sat on the fence, entertained by the gossip.
I contacted Susan and told her what transpired in my search for Mary. She scheduled a meeting in her office and asked me to bring my friend Tom (RCMP) to this meeting.
To be continued in “Letters from Canada – 15”
Father Mark: During counseling or comforting those in need, I always emphasize that God made us special and unique with a touch of mystery. We are special and unique because God has blessed us with Souls that enable us to achieve wonders, make a difference in our world, and talents to fulfill our destiny. Mysterious because no one including ourselves, knows and understand all the facets of our being. Why do we feel, think and behave the way we do? What is the source of our strength to overcome hardships and what does it take to make us happy? Have we reached our potential and how far are we from realizing our destiny? This brings me to one of my own personal mystery, my friendship with Susan.
On the surface we professionally help each other. Many times Susan has summoned me to support and comfort her clients facing tragedies or personal and family crisis. Occasionally I been a character witness in a divorce proceeding. But her specialty and source of wealth is business law. In questionable business practices, Susan also seeks ethical advice from me. I am not sure she always follows it. But now I may need her legal counsel before I continue my search for William’s daughter Mary.
But there may be more to our relationship than a professional one. During our college years our paths crossed at Math classes. We seemed to have spent an enormous amount of time, possibly more than necessary working together on Calculus problems. Definitely there was a romantic attraction. Fortunately for me Ukrainian Catholic priests are allowed to get married in the Catholic Church. In the Roman Catholic Church, priests are not allowed to be married. But there are two exceptions: Anglican and Lutheran priests converting to Catholicism can continue as married Catholic priests and in my case, priests in the Ukrainian Catholic Church are also allowed to get married.
At some point in our relationship, the subject of “where do we go from here” came up. Unfortunately for me, the talks that followed were a rapid descent into an emotional abyss.
For all intent and purposes Susan wanted me to abandon my vocation for the Catholic priesthood. From the moment I shared my intentions to become a pastor; she labored to convince me that I could serve God in many other better ways. On top of her career suggestion list was for me to pursue a degree in Social Work and integrated those credentials into a faith base approach in helping people.
Susan saw in our future, first herself as a rich successful business lawyer that would sometimes work Pro Bono (free legal work) in support of her kind and compassionate husband who would be helping those less fortunate. But this future was not to be, for our opposite visions for our futures became the Grand Canyon that separated us.
During our endless conversations I attempted to persuade Susan that becoming a priest was a necessary step for me in realizing my destiny. But as I continued to elaborate on the good that can be accomplish in my calling, I purposely held back the core reason of why I was preparing for the priesthood: It was debt that I owed God.
A debt between me and God that could not be understood by Susan or for that matter anyone else. Many a time I came close to sharing it with her, but stopped at the last minute and not sure why.
On the other hand, Susan experienced no difficult in articulating her animosity towards the clergy and the church. Her favorite story line uses the analogy between doctors and priests.
In Canada people have good healthcare coverage and the population as a whole enjoys good health. For the purposes of this analogy, let’s pretend many Canadians did not recover from most illness including the ones that were easy to cure in the past. In this scenario very quickly the attention and blame would focus on doctors for doing a very bad job.
Now let’s turn to the realm of priests and take the moral pulse of the population. Statistics show that many people are unhappy in their marriages and the divorce rate is high. At all ages people have problems with alcohol or drug abuse. Families and friends are separated by grudges. A significant number of people struggle with loneliness and depression. Those dealing with poverty and misfortune are not always helped by those in position to assist. Now who is responsible for not doing a good job in addressing the moral illness of humanity?
To Susan the responsibility for doing a terrible job, lies with those who claim to represent God and preach about forgiveness, compassion, kindness, sacrifice, and love for God and neighbor. She views the Sunday sermons and teachings of the church as poetry. Just as in poetry, musical and eloquent words touch our emotional spirit and momentarily uplift us above our worldly fray. But then we return to earth or leave our house of worship and nothing has changed.
While Susan liked me for my optimism, enthusiasm, and idealism, she warned me that it was just a matter of time before I would become “one of them”. A clergy person that would settle for a comfortable life style in a stagnated church institution (future “Letters” will elaborate on this Susan view) watching life and the world go by.
It was a matter of time before we exhausted the rationalization of our positions and ended our romantic relationship. Like most couples in this situation we agreed just to be friends. Normally when relationships end with the understanding of a continued friendship, it usually means both people go their separate ways with a possibility of an occasional contact. Somehow in our case we did not go our separate ways.
Finishing undergraduate college, Susan continued and completed graduate work in business and family law. On the other hand, I completed my graduate studies in Philosophy and Theology and was ordained a Ukrainian Catholic priest. I attended her graduation ceremony at the university, while she was in attendance during my ordination. From then on we seem to always be there for each other in good times and bad.
Susan did pursue other romantic relationships and the ones she was serious about were casually introduced to me for a valued friend’s opinion. In the end the phrase: Not the right person for me” concluded most of her relationships.
To prevent me from becoming of “one of them” (clergy that is not productive) she occasionally monitored my activities especially the Sunday sermons. Needless to say, I had to carefully prepare my material for the pulpit.
Our friendship had rules. Examples: always meeting in the public view, no exchange of gifts and no concealing of our activities. As difficult as it may be to believe, there never was a sexual intimate encounter because we both understood it would be morally wrong without a Love Commitment.
Those who believed and trusted us viewed our friendship akin to a brother and a sister. Those who did not placed bets on when and how the scandal would break. Some sat on the fence, entertained by the gossip.
I contacted Susan and told her what transpired in my search for Mary. She scheduled a meeting in her office and asked me to bring my friend Tom (RCMP) to this meeting.
To be continued in “Letters from Canada – 15”
